Thursday, September 30, 2010

Flo Is A Total Hoe...

Who in their right mind names their kid "Flo"? Seriously? Was the mother going to name her Flower, but just croaked in the middle of writing the name?

Mother - "I want to name her Flo-" **Dies**
Doctor - "Umm... she wrote Flo... so that's her name."
Father - "Ok. Cool."

In all seriousness though, what does Flo mean? If anyone can answer that for me, please do. I am very curious as to what it means. I don't know, maybe the meaning is everything for this particular name.

In other news...

I attended my first Team Meeting at work last night from 8:30pm - 10:00pm and it was a bit long to be honest. I got a lot of information from some of the other more experienced sales reps and the managers. To be perfectly honest, it was too long and a tad boring. If anyone from work ever reads this they'll probably kick me in the shin for saying this about the meetings. I was pleasantly surprised to know that of all the new recruits hired last week, I had the highest sales over the first weekend on the job. I got a nice certificate and recognition in front of the Division Manager and all the other managers and experienced Sales Reps. It was very cool. The partial downside to that is that I now have to go into the office today and perform a practice demo in front of this week's new recruits. It's cool that they want to show me off as an impressive new sales rep, but I haven't really done anything too amazing. I just made 3 sales and I managed to make as much as I did. It's all good though.


Half of my co-workers are Asians. What the fuck is with Asians doing sales? I didn't know they were good at that. Actually, the manager that asked me to come in today is Asian and he's the one who interviewed me. I'm not too excited, but I have to do it so I will. I'm gonna get some awesome lunch first though. I'm off to make some more observations in my day. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for some fucked up shit. If you have any interesting observations you wanna discuss or have analyzed post it in the comments. I'll be sure to get to it as soon as I can.


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Grandpa Joe Can Suck It... Not Really

I was driving to CVS a few hours ago and as I turned into the parking lot, I was behind an old man driving a pretty nice Honda. So check it. He flicks a cigarette out his window and hits a car passing him by in the store parking lot. I was like "Wow that was a super dick move!", but I laughed anyway because I like laughing at really mean things like that. Like when a little kid's riding a bike and eats a whole curb full of shit? That's enough to drop me in a laughing fit. Though in that instance I have to contain myself or else the parents or whatever other adult is watching will try to kick my ass and let's face it, I'm a major pussy who avoids confrontations at all cost. But I digress. After this awesomely rude cigarette act, he then proceeds to drive like he's taking a driving test and he's already been docked a few points for excessive speed. That or his oxygen tank got a kink in it and his brain wasn't getting enough oxygen. I got so pissed after like 2 rows of cars so I turned into another row and I just passed that bitch up. What the fuck was with that guy? I hate driving behind slow, older people. Sometimes you feel like shit when you curse a slow driver out as you pass him/her up and it turns out they're an old-ass person. That always happens to me on freeways and such, but today I didn't feel bad. Grandpa Joe was a dick deserving of every obscene word I threw his way. He flicked the cigarette and then had the audacity to drive slowly in front of me. In front of ME?!?! Fuck that. Who does he think he is?! He had it coming. I'm gonna be the slowest old motherfucker for everything I'm saying right now... Just you wait and see. In 40 years when I'm shitting myself regularly, I'm gonna be driving and some young bitch is gonna curse me out the way I cursed Grandpa Joe and all other old fucks. That's cool  with me though. By then I won't care at all. I'm gonna be shitting my pants regularly. I'll have bigger and better things to worry about than some young bitch insulting me. Like dying, the previously mentioned shit in my pants, and trying to get the goddamn kink outta my oxygen tank so I can breathe.


Cleverdicking For The First Time

You remember the first time you masturbated?

I do.

Anyway, welcome to my new incredibly unpopular blog where I will attempt to make racy and controversial observations that all humans make, but are afraid to make public. Please understand however that if you are offended by anything said here, then you're a sensitive pussy and should seriously get yourself checked out by a shrink because you're way too self-involved. Seriously though, if you're the type of person that gets offended easily, then please take everything I say here with a grain of salt. I'm only half serious when I insult specific people and fully serious when I insult a general group of humans. I'm a misanthrope believe it or not. Yes, you will get plenty of proof of that on this blog, so again don't take it personally. Most of my comments on here can or will be of a racist or stereotypically offensive nature, so again I urge you all to chill out and be cool about it. So without further ado, LET'S LET THE FUN BEGIN!

I'm off to bed now people. It's 2:02am and I need to get up at a decent hour tomorrow so I don't further fuel the lazy-ass reputation I'm sure I've earned with my girlfriend's family since she left to college. In all seriousness though, I'm tired as shit. I'll most likely post about some gross shit I had to do today. Goodnight everyone.